i think it's a testament to how much this semester sucked that playing mahjong and bejeweled with my mom on her computer is the most fun i can remember having in a very long time.

it's good to be home. :)

major switch?

I'm still on the mailing list for matsci, and I got an e-mail today that said "Cornell MS&E Masters Program."

I'm applying to the MS&E [Management Science & Engineering] Masters program at Stanford and was somewhat curious as to why Course 3 would be sending out an e-mail about MS&E.

And then I read the e-mail. MS&E = Materials Science & Engineering.

Maybe I didn't really switch majors after all.

an emo moment

cute. except i think recently, it's been friends who are putting me in the little box of sadness. but i am glad for other friends who do cheer me up. :)

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalms 139:23-24

duh, how else would you travel in outerspace?

"Safety First Pays" ....then what?

There is a truck that often sits by the construction happening on Amherst Alley. It's red, and on the hatch, printed in bright yellow cursive, it says "Safety First Pays."

Everytime I see it, it takes me a while to understand. What happens after safety pays? Does it cost you?

Everytime, I shake my head. Of course not. What they really mean is "'Safety First' pays." I suppose it's not quite on par with "The panda eats, shoots, and leaves," but I think it comes close.

a rediscovered song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuJrEBtmM1Q

PC

I used to put a lot of effort into being politically correct and doing my best not to offend anyone. I'm not quite sure when that fell by the wayside, but I imagine it was some point during my time at MIT, when I realized that no one really seems to care if you're PC and not only that, will kinda think you're funny for doing so. Not to mention that most people have no qualms (or at least no sense) about offending you in offhand comments, because you should know the truth.

I've changed my mind. MIT is wrong, and I guess the world in general is wrong, since this seems to be the latest trend. PC is an important concept. Being "honest" and blunt is overrated. Well, maybe not overrated, but it is a characteristic of trust, in a way that you know someone is telling you the truth for your benefit, not to show off how perceptive they are. It's not something to be tossed around because "you should just suck it up and accept the truth." Or the truth the way I tell it, at least.

There is something to be said for being polite, sensitive, and yeah--maybe even white lies. And maybe that makes me a suck-up or a "Sloanie *rolls eyes*" but at the end of the day, I think I'll sleep better knowing that I haven't disparaged anyone unnecessarily and worse--to prove that I'm smart and know what I'm talking about.

That isn't to say that there isn't a place for brutal honesty; I think it's an important part of deep friendship, because we all suck enough that we need someone to remind us every once a while. In job evaluations, I'd much rather someone tell me my weaknesses and how to fix them then to tell me that they're really happy that "I put in a lot of effort." But a lot of times I find myself blurting out things, not really so that someone will be better for hearing it, but just to say it. To prove that I'm smart. Or something. I don't even know.

There was a time that when someone annoyed me, I made an effort to hide it, not show it. What happened to caring more about people's feelings than being cool or having the last laugh?

Anyways, the latest in a series of thoughts about what's wrong with me. But seriously, call me on it if you see me doing it. Be honest. :P

my entire family is on facebook >.>

by which i mean...

my aunt friend-requested me.

and then my mom.

and now my dad.

how to make the perfect bowl of cereal

i used to always put in too much milk, but now i have learned.

1. take out a bowl (make sure it's clean)
2. pour desired amount of cereal into bowl
3. pour milk over cereal, stopping when you see the cereal begin to float (the whole mass rises up. it's pretty unmistakable).
4. grab a spoon and dig in (unless you like soggy cereal. which is gross. but if that's what you like, you may want to wait a few minutes).

getting enough sleep is amazing. even though i still have a lot of things to do (and probably should be more stressed out), all i care about is my cereal. and how i have poured the perfect amount of milk. wootah!

my theory on job searching

it's like speed dating.

you talk to a bunch of people, they talk to a bunch of people, and then you see who you like best.

the only differences are:

• the application and interview
• the second-round interview
• you get a free plane ticket and trip if you make it to the final round
• you get a contract. with money.

...so pretty much all the things that suck/are cool about the interview process. but really, they're the same.

豆漿

I have this new obsession with soymilk.

I don't know why. I've always disliked it.

It's truly very odd.

And now I want to go to a kitchen store. To buy a muslin cloth. So I can make my own soymilk. (It's used to drain the soybean bits)

WTF

last night, i was hanging out with shen and (as i am apt to do when i am with shen) proceeded to reflect on and complain about life. in my ramblings i told her about an incident that made me lose all motivation to do something, that completely changed all my priorities here at MIT.

funnily enough, i had almost completely blocked those feelings out my memory, prior to recounting them yesterday. it astonishes me somewhat that afterwards, i was shaking with... who knows what--an overflow of emotion? i had forgotten just how much that incident had affected me. still affects me, apparently.

i remember all too clearly now.

i miss being in germany

Grilled Bratwurst with Honey-Habanero Mustard

AHHHHHHHHH. i've been looking at food blogs and now i want to cry because i just want to eat all the pictures NOM NOM NOM

i'm going to tell stories like this one. bwahahaha :D

11 days

i registered for the GRE today. Tuesday 8/25, 5:30pm.

i freaked out about the GRE today.

i also freaked out about grad schools today.

coincidentally, i got nothing productive done today.

i did, however, eat goldfish.

given that each of these sentences has "i" as a subject, i've realized that blogs are the best place to be narcissistic. wootah.

random thoughts as i try to do work

i'm really craving melted mozzarella...

actually, i'm pretty hungry. not eating lunch before leaving next house was a bad idea.

i wonder where i can get mozzarella without having to go too far...

okay, this random thoughts thing isn't nearly as interesting as i thought it would be. i'm just thinking of food :P

why i would never marry an outdoors person

i actually don't mind the fishing. i just wouldn't want to sleep in a tent on the cold hard forest floor.

finally, a blog post (to procrastinate)

i'm not even going to lie about it: i'm procrastinating. since last night, i have...

• slept
• lay around waiting to fall asleep
• done laundry
• eaten
• recorded my expenses for the past two weeks
• written to-do lists
• written shopping lists

all a part of my struggle (not) to do work. to give you an idea, i've spent around 2/3 of the past 36 hours sleeping.

yeah.

and i'm not done yet! i am currently...

• writing a blog post (!)
• chatting with gloria online
• ...digesting

and i have so many more things to do! i could...

• wash my dishes
• pick out pictures from this weekend to post on facebook
• open my window to let some air in
• go shopping!
• clean my room
• play violin
• read a book

but, i suppose, there are times in one's life when one must buckle down and...

• reply to important e-mails (three of them!)
• conduct a literature search/review

unfortunately, all i really want to do is...

• nap.

An Europe Adventure: Arrival & Antwerp (Days 1-3)

Not quite sure what the best way to document all of this would be... so for now, I'm just going to paraphrase what I've written in my notebook and add in pictures.

Days 1 & 2 were designated for travel and arrival. I left Boston on an 8AM MegaBus to NYC (thankyou to Mikey for getting up and eating breakfast with me), during which my mind was blown with internet on a moving bus. Upon arriving in New York, I navigated my way to Penn Station and found my way to the LIRR train to Jamaica, from which I could then transfer to the AirTrain that would take me to JFK. Despite being somewhat confused and bewildered with the NYC transit system, I managed to make it to the British Airways counter just a little after 2pm, where my aunt and uncle awaited. We went through security, and then... we waited. (Our flight was at 6) I bought James Patterson's Sundays at Tiffany's to read on the way, but unfortunately finished it a lot faster that I had hoped.

The flight to Heathrow was uneventful; I watched "Bride Wars" and "He's Just Not That Into You" (which just seems even better the second time around. I quite like it). I had a spectacular view of the moon and the clouds at one point, the moon's light reflected off the ocean pink and purple, but unfortunately I didn't take a picture because everyone was sleeping and I didn't want to wake them with the shutter noise. Anyways, Heathrow sucks. They don't decide what gate a flight will leave from until around 30 minutes before departure, at which time you must run around the terminal to get to your gate and board your plane before they close the doors, approximately 10 minutes before departure (and sometimes it takes up 15 minutes to get to your gate). Luckily... planes always seem to depart late, so this doesn't seem to be an issue.

We land in Brussels and then load onto a bus which will take us to the ship docked at Antwerp. We drive about halfway there and then have to turn back to the airport because they have forgotten 2 travellers! The entire time, no one on the bus knows what's going on, because the driver does not speak English. (The best part of this bus ride is the two chipmunks sitting on the dashboard).






When we finally arrive at the docking area, we stay inside the bus for around half an hour... with no word from anyone. Finally someone comes out of the boat with umbrellas to lead us inside. Once in, we trade our passports for our room keys, drop off our things, and are off to lunch!


On the right is Fauzi, who was our waiter during lunch the first day. He tells me, "You remind me of Mulan. I really like the dragon in that movie.. what's his name?" and from that day on, every time he saw me, he said, "Nihao, Mulan!"

In the afternoon, I went out and took some pictures of the boat and the area surrounding. Then I took a nap before the ship's briefing and port talk. Afterwards was the first dinner, which was delicious. We sat next to a Cantonese couple; the man went to NTU!

Jetlagged, I didn't manage to sleep much that night.

Day 3
Woke up at 7:15 this morning and had breakfast before the travel briefing. Signed up for most of the optional tours, and then it was off to the walking tour of Antwerp! Saw a castle, a couple cathedrals, good places to get waffles, beer, and chocolate, the Butchers' Building (the only public building built in Gothic style and "bacon style"), the city hall, some statues...

In the afternoon, went to see Diamondland, one of the largest diamond factories in the world.

Tonight was also the Captain's Welcome Dinner, and because my aunt and uncle have been on so many trips, we were invited to the Captain's Table. Unfortunately, this meant that I had to dress up and felt awkward taking pictures of the food -_-' The service, however, was amazing. 6 waiters, carrying two plates each, would come up to the table and then wait for the restaurant manager's signal before simultaneously placing the plates in front of us.

情愛的畢業生

I miss you already.

driving into the night

Yesterday reminded me of my love of driving at night. On my way back from seeing Night at the Museum (lovely movie, by the way), it took me around 20 minutes to drive home. There were a few cars on the road, but not many as it was around 11PM. Driving at night is so peaceful, just the "night light" (soft rock night program) playing softly on the radio, and the road ahead illuminated by my headlights. On a winding road, a hint of light tells me that another car is coming, we pass each other, and then the road is quiet and dark again. No one's on the road to see how fast or how slow I'm going; no one making sure I'm following the speed limit. Speeding is fun, but I love going 30 on a 35 mph road where people usually go around 40-45, just taking my time and slowly working my way back home.

i am now a tumblr

http://strawbeary.tumblr.com/

the spirit is willing but the body is weak

i'm jaded, but not jaded enough.

i wish that i could know what i want.

sigh

i think when you regret a good deed, that's when you know how truly selfish you are.

also, why are people so cheap? isn't a graduation present a physical representation of appreciation for what someone has meant to you over the years that you've known them? i understand being frugal, but some money is worth spending... think about how much money you waste every time you skip a lecture.

sorry for emo-ness. what a crazy weekend.

senior dinner

Tonight was ATS's Senior Dinner. A lot of work went into it, but it was all worth it.

I'm really going to miss the seniors this year. Maybe because they're so close to us in age, and the fact that once they leave, we're the seniors. Maybe because they're just awesome people. Maybe because they are role models who have been in my life for three years now, and I'll have no idea what to do once they're gone.

I've been dreading this since graduation last year... and I'm sad to say it hasn't gotten any better. So many of my good friends are '09, so many people that I love and respect and look up to and seek advice from and just enjoy spending time with.

I was talking to my friend from back home, and she mentioned how every year right before graduation, she always gets to know these seniors who are so amazing that she regrets that she didn't know them earlier. I've always felt like that's true for me too, but this year.. I'm really glad for the relationships that I have formed with the '09s and just hope that we can really live up these last few weeks and have a grand ol' time. :)

中文

這幾天來,我一直想,覺得學中文應該有個辦法能簡單一點兒. 想過了,決定要多練習. 學中文當然不簡單,可是多用就會更順暢.
可是現在正想寫,我才想不到要寫什麼. 糟糕! 唉沒辦法,下次吧.

spring break: a satisfied beary

As I wait in the Ft. Lauderdale airport for our flight (which will take off at 4:05PM, in approximately 6.5 hours), taking advantage of the free but slow internet to check my e-mail for the first time in 4 days, I feel... satisfied. I haven't slept in more than 24 hours (minus the half hour taxi ride during which I was completely passed out), but I feel wide awake and great (this may be due to the two cups of coffee I downed at breakfast). Despite going on a trip with 16 people and being a "old person," this has been such a relaxing and fun vacation. No major drama happened, I slept lots, chilled lots, got to know people better, and jetskiied in some crazy waters, being completely blinded by salt water half the time and screaming in excited fear the other half. I got a little sunburned but a lot tanner. I read most (not all, but most) of the book that I need to read for the book report due Wednesday (4 chapters is a heck of a lot better than 37). Overall I just couldn't wish for a better spring break. And now I'm heading back to Boston (will arrive in the early AM tomorrow), pleased as punch at this vacation which has gone on just long enough, pumped to do some work and finish out the semester! :D

expense report

wow.. checked out my expense report while clearing up all my money things before the cruise. the breakdown on how i spend money includes:

• 27.90% Dining
• 26.69% Misc (= ATS + money that mysteriously disappears)

A little more than half of my life is consumed by food and ATS. This amuses me.

in other news, HAPPY SPRING BREAK! :)

mid-term post: a sleepy beary

Clearly, I fail at posting regularly.

Just wanted to note that this has been possibly the oddest semester to date. I sleep so much and still always want to sleep. I'm taking so few units, and yet still never have the motivation to do any of it. I have fewer commitments than ever, and yet still find myself scrambling to get things done.

Maybe this is a mid-college slump.

In any case, the weather is bee-yoo-ti-ful today and has put me in a tremendously fantastic mood! wootah! :)

comic relief

week two redux: a wintry beary

so again, i don't really have much time to post, but...

i actually like winter. like REAL winter. like it was last week but is no longer. winter meaning it snows and then never gets warm enough for the snow to melt. so it stays. and the world remains a winter wonderland.

not anymore. it's all gross and melty and slushy now.

anyways, if i have good news today, maybe i will post later on. there is always hope^^

week two: a hurried beary

i actually don't have much time to post now... but just a quick run-through
- duanduan came and left
- lots of hours at work
- AHHH ATS >.<
- CAPE COD! ...more details later. promise.

Just one more thing...
I wasn't kidding when I said I would make Mikey my desktop pic :D

(see the long list of internship apps due in the next week >.<)

week one: a frozen and hungry beary

This first week of many firsts (see previous post) has been a really interesting one. I can hardly believe it's already over.

Schedule
Wow, talk about being predictable. Every day has been pretty much the same:
7:00 Wake up (go back to sleep)
7:15 Wake up (go back to sleep)
7:30 Wake up (and actually get up!)
7:30-8:30 Get ready, check e-mail... oh crap! I'm going to be late!
8:30-9:15(ish) Commute to work (Tech Shuttle, T, walk a few minutes)
9:15-6:30/7:00 (or later) Work (with a break for lunch!)
7:30 Back on campus -> ATSATSATS! e-mails, e-mails, e-mails
1:oo Sleep

Frozen and Hungry
It's been pretty cold this first week. There was ice all over the place on my way to work on Monday (a treacherous walk from South Station), and a storm just passed by dumping about 4 inches on us yesterday and this morning. I used my boots for the first time today; I had forgotten how amazing it feels to have warm feet when it's cold outside!

Partially due to the weather, and more due to laziness, I have yet to venture to a supermarket to buy necessary food items. My stomach is currently grumbly (though I have just now remembered the pad thai in my fridge from Tuesday's dinner!). I've been surviving on free food from the office, dinners (with Changy and Vu!), a few pastries from Chinatown, and Welch's fruit snacks (though my stash is running low). Maybe I'll finally get some groceries... tomorrow.

Externship
I didn't really know what to expect, but I feel like I've gotten used to it a lot faster than I thought I would. Day One was training, and then I got staffed on a project. No details, obviously, but the project is really neat and the people I'm working with are cool too! Everyone in the firm is super nice and friendly; we all eat lunch together and go out to Happy Hour on Fridays. It's a work hard, play hard environment, what I'm used to :) It's long hours but not boring, so it's all good!

ATS
First event, done! Everything's kinda crazy with so many events over IAP and Chinese New Year (and therefore Lunar New Year Festival) so early, but I'm really really excited! We have a meeting later today, so I'm kinda ATS-ed out after making the slides (I think my life revolves around PowerPoint currently). More details later, I imagine.

General
This week (and I'm guessing the rest of the month) is really different from my life up till now. It's like getting a feel of what working life is like (though it's kinda like working two jobs right now)--dressing up every morning, coming back late, really only having one thing (two things...) to focus day-in and day-out. I think I've finally built up a wardrobe of clothes that exist in the happy median between comfort and acceptable for the workplace (good thing it's business-casual) [random note: i always call it biz-cas in my head, which always makes me chuckle a little on the inside]

Summary
frozen and hungry, but happy :]

first post

It's been a long time since I've blogged (2+ years, maybe, more like 5 or 6 regularly), but I've been inspired by reading blogs of everyone's adventures.

This month marks a lot of firsts for me (first job [i'm not going to count UROPs], first foray into consulting, first month as President [-_-], first time trying to read the Bible in a year, among others) so it seems fitting to start a blog to document it.

I guess I'll start off with some of my resolutions/goals for the year. As I'm basking in the delight of not having anything to do for a couple hours, maybe this'll get super long as I recount my first week too. But first things first...

1. Read the Bible in a year. This is something that I've wanted to do for forever, and I'm actually really excited to be doing it. There's a group of people at MIT who are all doing it together, including a few people I know (we're keeping up a blog and posting every day). The plan we're using has built-in "free days," which is awesome because I'm already two days behind (but hopefully by the end of the month I'll be all caught up!). Hopefully doing this and settling in at a church will help me with my next goal, which is...
2. Figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life. Whew, this one scares me. I've realized more and more that I don't really know who I am. I just kinda feel like a conglomeration of all the different activities I'm in and friends that I have. I have a lot of responsibilities this year, but I hope that I can use those opportunities to learn more about myself and really figure out what's going to make me happy. This feels particularly pressing because of graduation looming only 1.5 years away. Leaving the cocoon that is MIT and going out into the world... *shudder*
3. Have no regrets. Not that I won't make mistakes, because I do and I will. But just knowing that I'm doing my best and that's the best I can do, and no one (most importantly me) can ask for anything more. Part of this is being honest with myself (and hopefully others too, though I'm not sure how much I want to post on a blog as of yet). Oh well, I'll figure it out along the way...

Happy New Year, everyone! (a week and a half late) Hope it's a great one-- :)